Regret: Inner Pain That Cannot Be Prepared For

Grief  and mourning are a natural response to any type of loss, regardless of the object of the loss. Each person experiences this loss in their own way, the only thing in common is the time that is needed in almost every case to recover and learn to live anew.

Regret  is a very intimate and complex process on which all the difficult art of saying goodbye is based. Step by step, going through all its stages, we will return to our former path, and the people closest to us will always remain in our hearts.

The road to accepting loss is long and painful, but it is worth the effort to continue living. The memory of a loved one is our most precious memento, so it is worth cherishing it and making it a strong foundation for our new life.

Grief and mourning is not about forgetting, but about healing your inner pain and coming to terms with the loss. Here are some of our tips and strategies on how to deal with such a loss and go through all the stages of grief.

My regret and your regret

This is a very important truth that psychologists and psychiatrists around the world emphasize: none of us go through the grief process in the same way; it all depends on our individual characteristics and we should allow ourselves to regret in the form that is best for us.

Sometimes we have people around us repeating their universal advice on grief and recovery. Below, we will briefly tell you about the main myths about mourning.

Myths about mourning

• Someone who does not show his grief outwardly is not going through the grief process properly. It’s not true! It all depends on the individual characteristics of each of us.

• It is hard to expect a person who does not show his emotions too openly on a daily basis that he will start doing it in the event of mourning. So let us allow her to experience the loss in her own way, showing our support.
• Some people need to be left alone with their thoughts after the loss, others seek help from a psychologist. Each of these paths is equally good, you just need to choose your path to your own needs.
• Another myth has it that time heals all wounds. To some extent this is true, but time alone is not enough and not enough to heal emotional wounds and recover from a loss.
• There is one very important thing to emphasize: some kind of void after loss will remain in your heart forever; time alone is not enough to fill this void. Of course, it will help you so much that the pain will become incomparably less and you will be able to live on.

• Another myth: pain is at a particular moment in time, and if you don’t feel it, you have trouble showing your emotions. This is not true and it must be said aloud that pain is also a complicated and individual process.

Grief over the loss of a loved one, for whatever reason, does not have to be sudden and violent. It happens that some of us only react emotionally after many weeks. This does not mean, however, that we are emotionless, but rather that we need more time than others to settle our mind and heart.

Finally, one of the stages of mourning is denial. Inability to accept someone’s departure can take quite a long time until they move on to the next phase – pain and anger.

Techniques for dealing with grief

Again, grief and pain is a very intimate and individual process, full of better and worse moments. Recovering from a loss is a winding path full of pitfalls, but in the end is your victory – return to normal.

However, there is no one-size-fits-all technique for dealing with grief that works for everyone. Each of us understands and experiences our pain in a different way. Below, however, you will find a few techniques that you can use according to your needs, and maybe they will bring you relief and inner peace. We keep our fingers crossed for you!

Control your thoughts

After losing a loved one, we focus so much on our feelings and emotions that we stop controlling our own mind. Our thoughts are lost in a maze of emotions, fear, pain and anxiety.

• You need to control your thoughts and learn to identify and name them. Thanks to this, you will also be able to better control your emotions.

• Controlling your mind in hard times ensures that you do not blame yourself for what happened, and you do not look for others responsible for this tragedy. Allow yourself to tear and accept the emptiness that will remain with you.

The power of your imagination

This technique has proven to be effective for many different people. It makes it easier to go through the difficult stage of saying goodbye, and the visualization also has a cleansing effect and allows you to close a certain stage of our life. What is it all about and how to use this technique?

• Find a place where you can be alone with your thoughts. Make it comfortable, breathe deeply.
• Clear your mind of unnecessary thoughts and focus on one thing only: the person you loved and lost.
• Now imagine both this person, let them stand in front of your eyes smiling, calm and happy. Don’t be shy, talk to her if that’s what you need.

Di alog carried out in our own head helps us get rid of the accumulated emotions and cleanse ourselves of sadness or understatements.

Say aloud about your love and pain and then let that person go. Now you have a clear conscience, you know everything has been said and explained.

Fill the void every day

Now that you have accepted that your loved one is not with you, it’s time to take the next step. There are still emotional wounds with you and a void that needs to be filled with something.

• The daily struggle to return to normal awaits you now, but it is worth the effort. Realize that you are not alone and need not be afraid to ask for help.

• Don’t be afraid of your happiness and smile. Your loved one will remain in your heart forever, and you surely don’t want you to mourn this loss for the rest of your life. Smile for her as well.

Let your life be a kind of tribute to this person’s memory. If you must – cry, if you want – laugh. Fill the void with new challenges, knowing that you don’t need to forget the past. Good luck!